The past few days I have been working on my latest book (titled Endorphin High My Ass, it's a working title so please feel free to give suggestions) and I have noticed that the same thought keeps creeping into my head; why me? Why would anyone want to buy, let along read what I have to say? I have to be honest, at first I would let the question sink in and the realize I had either no motivation left or such lack of faith in myself that I would come to a block, a writer's block if you will.
I spend so much time throughout my days thinking about characters, different topics or real life events that I could turn into chapters and how I would word them. I get so excited to sit down at the computer or with my notebook and pen that by the time my 'creative juices' are flowing that damn Negative Nancy comes along and ruins the whole thing.
I've decided to shut the bitch up, once and for all. Why me, you ask Negative Nancy? Well I'll tell you why; I'm special damn it! I may not have the craziest life or coolest experiences but I do have life experiences and I have been gifted with a talent that let's me turn those said experiences into hilarity for others to read! I also am a creative person and can come up with topics that would make to be excellent stories. I think the most important reason why is the fact I am not going to give up on this dream. There is a difference from me and others that dream of becoming a published author; I believe in myself and will continue to do so no matter what people tell me. I do not care if I have to send in my book ideas 100 times or pass on a night of drunken fun with my 'real' friends to spend the evening with my 'imagitive' friends that are in my stories. I will not give up on my book.
I look at the rows and rows of books in my personal library and I try to imagine each author sitting at their computer/typewriter for the first time, taking a deep breathing and thinking 'Well, here goes nothing!' They had to start somewhere as well, the same place that I do; a blank screen, an idea for a story, a way with words and the belief that it is good enough to become something great. Every book started with one word, that turned into a sentence, which lead to a paragraph and formed pages that in the end came together to create a finished book. When I think about my story idea in that light, nothing seems impossible. I know there will be writer's blocks in my future, rejection letters filling my mailbox, and the possibility of never being published. I have made my mind up that I was up for those challenges. I enjoy writing so much that no matter the obstacle I will voyage on.
Why me you ask? Well you'll just have to read my writing to find out.
28.8.11
22.8.11
A book about writing a book
**This is my latest and greatest project let's see if I can actually get past chapter 2:) Although I have to admit I worked on my other book this weekend; you know the one about my first job right out of college and how that was such a living hell experience and totally not what I expected - yeah that one. So obviously I'm setting myself up for failure for one of my books b/c honestly who writes two books at the same time. I'll tell you who, a girl with A.D.D and a bad habit of starting too many things she couldn't possibly finish! So here's the introduction to my book about writing a book; trust me it isn't/won't be as boring as it sounds on the contrary it will be wildly entertain as everything else in my life is; seeing as nothing has gone the way I have planned yet. Enjoy...
I want to write a book plain and simple. I have come up with numerous ideas and have even started a few chapters for most of said ideas. The problem is that usually somewhere after chapter 2 I either get bored with the topic or run out of ideas for the future 268 pages that I had planned on in the beginning of the project. And be honest with me, am I the only one that finds humor in writing a book about writing a book? I'm not talking about a 'How to Become a Writer' type book. I'm talking about the book being all about my adventure to becoming a published author.
This may be a good time to tell you that I have not only wrote a book previously but have also published it. It was titled 'Short Stories for Grandma' and was a present for her 87th birthday, contained 10 stories (all mainly first drafts mind you), 64 pages and filled with misspellings upon misspellings. I do say, I am proud of this little book but at the same time I strive for more. I did not go through a publishing agency, I went through lulu.com (which is a great site by the way!) and published the book myself. I want more. I want to feel the anxiety of mailing my book proposal to numerous agencies in hopes of getting a response.I want a rejection letter damn it! I long to bicker back and forth with my editor about extending deadlines because my creativity decided it was time to go on vacation the week before my first draft was due. I want to see the year in writer's eyes; three stages: First Draft, Revisions, and Final Draft (if I'm lucky after I will be able to add another 'season' to the list after being published: Book Tour!)
I honestly do not need my book on the shelves of Barnes and Noble but I would like to see it on Target's! I feel the fun, witty, and relatiable (seriously how to do you spell this word!?) authors are sold here. I would love to be on some one's 'Favorite Authors' list on Facebook. I daydream not about a life of less stress and more beach time but of reading segments of my book in bookstores. I want to have 15 minutes of Q&A before heading to a fold out table that is in the 'Self-Help' isle and sign my name with a sharpie until my hand hurts.
Obviously, when I dream, I dream big. I feel as though becoming an author is just as hard as becoming a movie star or pop star. Anyone can be a writer, actress or singer- anyone. You have to 'make it' to become an author, movie star or pop star! Now I'm not saying everyone wants to be an author but I bet you would be surprised at how many 'Bucket Lists' include writing a book.
So what makes me so special? Why would anyone what to read what I have to say? Trust me I ask myself this every single day and sometimes even hourly. I'm relatiable that's why. I think that in in today's day and age people want to be connected to others, they want to know that the crazy life they're living isn't crazy at all; but normal. We all have aspirations and dreams and the type of books I want to write will be the ones that give hope. They will say 'Here is a girl that made her dreams come true, if she can do it so can you!'
I do this myself actually, I read debut novels. I learn about the lawyer-turned- authors as I read their bios and start a rough draft in my mind as to what my first bio will say. I read books by women who I want to be BFF's with. Of course I do not go that far to extend my friendship to someone that has 60,000+ 'Likes' on Facebook because that would be just plain creepy and not to mention desperate. No, the way I plan to gain their friendship is to become an author that they would read, laugh out loud with and can relate to.
So with that said, here I go! I'm off to start the beginning of my book about writing a book. And if you're in isle J-37 at your local Target well then that only means one thing; I made it! And you can to..because as I write this I am just a twenty-something girl in Chicago, sitting on her balcony writing in her journal; but as you read this I am now a published author.
I want to write a book plain and simple. I have come up with numerous ideas and have even started a few chapters for most of said ideas. The problem is that usually somewhere after chapter 2 I either get bored with the topic or run out of ideas for the future 268 pages that I had planned on in the beginning of the project. And be honest with me, am I the only one that finds humor in writing a book about writing a book? I'm not talking about a 'How to Become a Writer' type book. I'm talking about the book being all about my adventure to becoming a published author.
This may be a good time to tell you that I have not only wrote a book previously but have also published it. It was titled 'Short Stories for Grandma' and was a present for her 87th birthday, contained 10 stories (all mainly first drafts mind you), 64 pages and filled with misspellings upon misspellings. I do say, I am proud of this little book but at the same time I strive for more. I did not go through a publishing agency, I went through lulu.com (which is a great site by the way!) and published the book myself. I want more. I want to feel the anxiety of mailing my book proposal to numerous agencies in hopes of getting a response.I want a rejection letter damn it! I long to bicker back and forth with my editor about extending deadlines because my creativity decided it was time to go on vacation the week before my first draft was due. I want to see the year in writer's eyes; three stages: First Draft, Revisions, and Final Draft (if I'm lucky after I will be able to add another 'season' to the list after being published: Book Tour!)
I honestly do not need my book on the shelves of Barnes and Noble but I would like to see it on Target's! I feel the fun, witty, and relatiable (seriously how to do you spell this word!?) authors are sold here. I would love to be on some one's 'Favorite Authors' list on Facebook. I daydream not about a life of less stress and more beach time but of reading segments of my book in bookstores. I want to have 15 minutes of Q&A before heading to a fold out table that is in the 'Self-Help' isle and sign my name with a sharpie until my hand hurts.
Obviously, when I dream, I dream big. I feel as though becoming an author is just as hard as becoming a movie star or pop star. Anyone can be a writer, actress or singer- anyone. You have to 'make it' to become an author, movie star or pop star! Now I'm not saying everyone wants to be an author but I bet you would be surprised at how many 'Bucket Lists' include writing a book.
So what makes me so special? Why would anyone what to read what I have to say? Trust me I ask myself this every single day and sometimes even hourly. I'm relatiable that's why. I think that in in today's day and age people want to be connected to others, they want to know that the crazy life they're living isn't crazy at all; but normal. We all have aspirations and dreams and the type of books I want to write will be the ones that give hope. They will say 'Here is a girl that made her dreams come true, if she can do it so can you!'
I do this myself actually, I read debut novels. I learn about the lawyer-turned- authors as I read their bios and start a rough draft in my mind as to what my first bio will say. I read books by women who I want to be BFF's with. Of course I do not go that far to extend my friendship to someone that has 60,000+ 'Likes' on Facebook because that would be just plain creepy and not to mention desperate. No, the way I plan to gain their friendship is to become an author that they would read, laugh out loud with and can relate to.
So with that said, here I go! I'm off to start the beginning of my book about writing a book. And if you're in isle J-37 at your local Target well then that only means one thing; I made it! And you can to..because as I write this I am just a twenty-something girl in Chicago, sitting on her balcony writing in her journal; but as you read this I am now a published author.
10.8.11
Mary Jane
It's time I confronted you. I know your relationship with him started long before mine did but you have to understand, he's my husband. He told me it was over between the two of you when we got married. All throughout our courtship you never once reared your ugly head. Of course looking back it is so obvious, you were on the run; you couldn't go near him due to his line of work. If they found you , they'd take you away and lock you up. I know you well enough now to know you would have gotten out, found a way to be with him again.
You didn't let it stop you that he found someone new, someone else that did a good job at taking his mind off of his problems. Could you just not stand the fact that maybe, just maybe he didn't need you in his life anymore? Oh, I know, I know it isn't your fault - he came running back to you right? Well you made sure it was easy didn't you? Making sure you were around when he would visit his friends, available at all hours of the night just in case he needed to talk.
I knew, I knew when he started seeing you again, correction using you again, that's all it is to him you know - it's not love, you are a quick fix and in reality he knows you're no good, you are someone who will suck his life dry throughout the years. I didn't have a problem with it at first, I knew you would forever be friends. He was straight forward about that. I guess I just did not realize how 'good' of friends you were.
At first I could just smell you on him but after awhile he got good at hiding how often he would visit you. I could tell you were hanging out more and more. More than necessary if you asked me. I told him you were not welcome in my home, of course you both knew how weak I was and soon your new hang out was our basement. I soon regretted allowing you in - the smell of your perfume makes me gag even now. Even after you were gone there would be traces of you throughout the room.
I knew he was going to you to relax, take the edge off. It bothered me that he was relying on you and not getting the help he needed to deal with his issues. Who are you to make his problems 'go away', you didn't go to school for this, what is your training on helping people with PTSD? Couldn't he see you were not helping solve/resolve his problems? All you do is numb the pain for awhile. Soon he started to rely on you to feel 'normal' everyday. We went from seeing you at a friends house from time to time to you always being in our home. You started moving things in even!
I would come home -there you were with him playing video games, helping him with homework, you would even take naps together! I can tell you what you were NOT doing, not helping him with his responsibilities - helping clean, pick up after himself, take care of himself even. To me you had become a bad influence.
Thankfully we decided to move. A fresh start, miles away from you! Little did I know as we were packing our bags you were too. Correction, as I was packing up our house; you , he and his brother though it would be a great time for a road trip to Colorado! He left me to do the work while he spend the week with you.
You both crossed the line.
Chicago started off ok. I knew you had found our new place but then again it probably wasn't hard to find when he was welcoming you in from day one.
We started fighting about you, how much time he was spending with you, how you were taking him away from reality more and more, and don't even get me started on the money issue! How can he defend giving you so much money?! You don't even pay us back! How is it fair that I go away to work for 8 hours all while you are in my home with him telling him to give you more and more!? My question is this, you guys don't even DO anything, how can you cost so much?
Lately I feel at a loss. I've lost my drive to even fight over you because all he does is defend you. It's not worth it to me anymore, you have become more important than our marriage. He's suppose to be on my side, my partner. Yes, I have issues that have caused problems in our marriage that may have even caused him to run to you even more. Do you know what that shows me? He would rather run to you for a fix than work on our problems. He does not see how much you truly bother me. You are ruining our marriage, he has become addicted to you. And to that I say - You win Mary Jane, you have gotten what you wanted, he is all yours.
**People laugh and joke about the 'Above the Influence' commercials and to be honest they are kind of cheesy. I have never smoked pot - she is not the kind of friend I want. I seriously had no issue with her and I, myself, thought the commercials were funny too; until I found out they are true. I do feel if people only smoke once in awhile then no they are not like the commercials, but if they are with Mary Jane every single (pardon me) fucking day then yes they are just like the commercials.
She is an enemy to me. She's his mistress. He lies for her, takes time away from us to be with her, spends our money on her, etc. She is a bitch is what she is and I can't even face her like a real person because she isn't real! At least that is what people will tell you. Well I'm here to tell you how real she is; being a pothead is not glamours. She steals from you, lies to you, makes you think everything will be ok as long as you stick with her. She makes things worse but sadly the ones viewing from the outside are usually the only ones that can see this; the truth.
Open your eyes.
I hate you Mary Jane. I hate you.
You didn't let it stop you that he found someone new, someone else that did a good job at taking his mind off of his problems. Could you just not stand the fact that maybe, just maybe he didn't need you in his life anymore? Oh, I know, I know it isn't your fault - he came running back to you right? Well you made sure it was easy didn't you? Making sure you were around when he would visit his friends, available at all hours of the night just in case he needed to talk.
I knew, I knew when he started seeing you again, correction using you again, that's all it is to him you know - it's not love, you are a quick fix and in reality he knows you're no good, you are someone who will suck his life dry throughout the years. I didn't have a problem with it at first, I knew you would forever be friends. He was straight forward about that. I guess I just did not realize how 'good' of friends you were.
At first I could just smell you on him but after awhile he got good at hiding how often he would visit you. I could tell you were hanging out more and more. More than necessary if you asked me. I told him you were not welcome in my home, of course you both knew how weak I was and soon your new hang out was our basement. I soon regretted allowing you in - the smell of your perfume makes me gag even now. Even after you were gone there would be traces of you throughout the room.
I knew he was going to you to relax, take the edge off. It bothered me that he was relying on you and not getting the help he needed to deal with his issues. Who are you to make his problems 'go away', you didn't go to school for this, what is your training on helping people with PTSD? Couldn't he see you were not helping solve/resolve his problems? All you do is numb the pain for awhile. Soon he started to rely on you to feel 'normal' everyday. We went from seeing you at a friends house from time to time to you always being in our home. You started moving things in even!
I would come home -there you were with him playing video games, helping him with homework, you would even take naps together! I can tell you what you were NOT doing, not helping him with his responsibilities - helping clean, pick up after himself, take care of himself even. To me you had become a bad influence.
Thankfully we decided to move. A fresh start, miles away from you! Little did I know as we were packing our bags you were too. Correction, as I was packing up our house; you , he and his brother though it would be a great time for a road trip to Colorado! He left me to do the work while he spend the week with you.
You both crossed the line.
Chicago started off ok. I knew you had found our new place but then again it probably wasn't hard to find when he was welcoming you in from day one.
We started fighting about you, how much time he was spending with you, how you were taking him away from reality more and more, and don't even get me started on the money issue! How can he defend giving you so much money?! You don't even pay us back! How is it fair that I go away to work for 8 hours all while you are in my home with him telling him to give you more and more!? My question is this, you guys don't even DO anything, how can you cost so much?
Lately I feel at a loss. I've lost my drive to even fight over you because all he does is defend you. It's not worth it to me anymore, you have become more important than our marriage. He's suppose to be on my side, my partner. Yes, I have issues that have caused problems in our marriage that may have even caused him to run to you even more. Do you know what that shows me? He would rather run to you for a fix than work on our problems. He does not see how much you truly bother me. You are ruining our marriage, he has become addicted to you. And to that I say - You win Mary Jane, you have gotten what you wanted, he is all yours.
**People laugh and joke about the 'Above the Influence' commercials and to be honest they are kind of cheesy. I have never smoked pot - she is not the kind of friend I want. I seriously had no issue with her and I, myself, thought the commercials were funny too; until I found out they are true. I do feel if people only smoke once in awhile then no they are not like the commercials, but if they are with Mary Jane every single (pardon me) fucking day then yes they are just like the commercials.
She is an enemy to me. She's his mistress. He lies for her, takes time away from us to be with her, spends our money on her, etc. She is a bitch is what she is and I can't even face her like a real person because she isn't real! At least that is what people will tell you. Well I'm here to tell you how real she is; being a pothead is not glamours. She steals from you, lies to you, makes you think everything will be ok as long as you stick with her. She makes things worse but sadly the ones viewing from the outside are usually the only ones that can see this; the truth.
Open your eyes.
I hate you Mary Jane. I hate you.
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