24.1.12

The Breaking Heart

No one knows what hell is like until they've been through it themselves. I think heartbreak is just a way the living can preview the flames.

Divorce is such an ugly word because in reality all it is, is another name for heartbreak. Please bare with me as I write to comfort my soul and ease my pain. Try not to judge the words on the page as all they are, are pieces of my broken heart.

I've always wondered if it was possible to die of a breaking heart. As I get older and give more and more of it away the answer becomes clear - that yes, indeed it is possible to die of a broken heart.

With every name, every put down, every scream of anger another crack appears. Soon the pieces all and melt into the the tears that I cry.

I cry a thousand tears daily and find myself drowning in my own sea of emotion. With every tear that falls a small amount of relief comes over me, the level of water rising over my head; as if I could numb the pain of my new reality by drowning in my own tears.

My heart is breaking, it is grieving this lose. You see in a way my own heart is dying. It is dying the same way my marriage is dying. For the past 6 years my heart as been consumed by this love and now it is leaving and there is a void. My own black hole and I can not cope.

These are not just words, they are pieces of my broken heart.