This is 'story' I wrote during high school about an experience I had with ducktape. Don't try it at home, trust me.
I have used duck tape in a very unique way. I am sure there are other women out there that have done this before, too, but I am probably one of the few that would ever admit it. To put it bluntly, I taped my bra to my skin so it wouldn't fall off. Before you think I'm a nut case, hear me out.
It was for a Christmas dance two years ago; the dress I bought would only look nice with a strapless bra. Now if you're a woman you know that strapless bras are a pain in the butt. And I wasn't about to spend my evening pulling it up every five minutes. I don't know how I got the idea but I thought I would try.
The evening came around and my mom had to help with the duct take. Actually all she had to do was walk around me in a circle until I felt like it would hold up. Before my date and I were about to leave we had to do the traditional 'picture in front of the tree,' and as we were doing that my mom noticed that my dress came to a point right in the middle of my dress! We went upstairs to see what was the problem and what had happened was the tpe had bunched up and had come to a point. We ended up having to take it off (which by the way is a very painful process) and reapply new.
To make a long story short, I had a wonderful time at the dance. To quote the MasterCard commercials 'Drress: $150 Dinner:$40 Tickets: $20 Coming to the realization that you have duck tape wrapped around you to hold up your bra: Priceless'
And to the women out there that are actually thinking about doing this, I wouldn't if I were you. My skin was sticky for a whole week becauseof the tape. And to everyone else who thinks I'm crazy, maybe you're right, but there's a first for everything, right?
And if you were wondering, yes I am a blonde.
27.7.11
25.7.11
Writer's Block
E stared at the blank screen. The screen stared back as if to say 'Hey don't look at me. I'm just the canvas not the paint.' She signed heavily; why was it that when she had time to write nothing came to her? And yet when she stepped foot into the office ideas would pour into her mind so quickly she barely had time to jot them down. They would keep her up when it was time for bed and then wake her up around 3 am again to say hi. Why had she decided that writing was what she wanted to do when she didn't think was that good anyway?
E started writing probably soon after she learned to read and spell; then again her spelling has never been perfected but supposedly most writers are horrible at spelling. Thank goodness for spell check on the computer. She received her first diary (with a lock and key and everything!) when she was seven. Thus started her writing about her favorite topic; herself. She would write about her friends, cat and boys she had crushes on (yes at seven, yikes!) Of course these were not stories but this was a small step to a future of writing and very entertaining to go back and reread the misspellings, narcissistic comments, and the naivety of the world.
Writing was not something E thought about growing up but she did love to read. The books she read would open up a whole new world to her and broaden her imagination. She continued her diaries throughout high school and still on the same topic; herself.
It wasn't until 10th grade writing class that it was brought to her attention that she had a talent for writing. Mrs. Gum-Hales, her teacher, put pictures of various things up on the blackboard and told the class to pick one, create a story describing what was going on and then share it with the class.
E choose a picture of an elderly black man sitting on his bed with his coat and hat in hand. He had his suitcase behind him filled with clothing and what appeared to be a wedding picture. She started to story with the death of his wife and how lonely he was. In the picture he was waiting for his children to come and take him to his new home. He was sitting there going through the memories of the house that he shared with his wife for the past 45 years. The story went into detail about his feelings and memories but was vague on the names and ages of the characters and yet it was a very emotional story.
Mrs Gum-Hales asked who would like to go first and E jumped at the chance; when she was finished the room was silent until Mrs. Gum-Hales said 'Wow. Now who would like to follow that up?' She asked E to stay after class and proceeded to tell her that she had a talent for creative writing. She wondered if E had thought about joining the school newspaper and even suggested it to her. She joined the following trimester.
E enjoyed writing for the high school paper but seemed be less enthusiastic about writing articles that did not ask for her opinion. She came to the conclusion that newspaper writing wasn't what she was into but thankful for the opportunity to write more and in a different way than she was used to. The same year her town's local newspaper asked for stories of unique ways people had used duck take. E wrote of the Christmas Dance where she had actually duck taped her strapless bra to make sure it stayed in play (word of advice, just get a new bra next time, ouch!). Her story not only made it in the paper but was on the first page of that section.
She did enjoy writing but changed directions with her creativity; scrap booking. She began telling her stories through pictures instead of words. She continued this throughout high school and into her early college years.
As she entered college the new thing to do was to 'blog' or an online diary. She kept up with this for quite a while but soon it turned into a writing war with an ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. E was no longer writing for the greater good.
As she great and finally matured (no more blog wars!) she turned her attention on being creative in writing cards to her boyfriend who was overseas. Again these were not stories but still enlisted her creativity to work hard at making each card/letter special and not all sound the same. The one thing that remained true through her life was her love for reading. She had fell in love with authors like Jodi Poicult, Nicholas Sparks and Jane Green. By chance while she was at a second hand bookstore she spotted a book by Jen Lancaster. She devoured it and the first thought that came to mind was 'I want to write like that!' she began hunting books that were debut novels and to see how other writers were doing it. She then started writing books that talked about writing. They all pretty much said the same thing 'To be a writer, you must write'. Well, she thought, it can't be that hard.
E created a blog called 'Author's Note' and debated as to what her first book should be about. She realized that through her life her best stories were about what she knew best; herself. Who would want to read about me though? Mainstream books that were all the rage during this time were memoirs; perfect! She would write about her first job after graduating college and what a nightmare that had turned out to be. She started it but found herself avoiding it. Writer's needed a deadline and yet at the time she wasn't a 'real writer' yet so how could she give herself a deadline? Of course she could just pick a date and say that was her deadline but realistically that date would come and go without another word put on page. She needed a date that was important, one that would keep her writing and yet not be dreaded.
August 10th became her deadline, her grandma's birthday. E's grandma was a driving force as to why she wanted to write. Her grandma seemed to genuinely enjoy her stories which answered her question as to who would want to read her stories; then again it was her grandma so she may have been a little biased. This deadline was kept a secret from her grandma however, she wanted it to be a surprise. She found a website where she could self publish her book; yes a real book! It was ok with her that it may never hit the shelves of Barnes and Noble this a book that would mean not only much to her but to others in her life as well. This was a perfect way to practice writing, learn, and get into the habit of doing it more than once or twice a week.
So Grandma, there you have it. You are currently holding (and reading) my 'Writer's Block'. The funny thing is I am not a fan of short stories and yet my first book is full of them! I decided to write this book in April, so that did not give me much time to write. Of course I went back to what I knew best; myself. Most of the stories are true, some have had elements added or subtracted and even twisted for a more entertaining value. Pardon the typo's, spelling and grammar errors; my editor (Mom) and I worked hard at finding them all but I know there will probably be a few still in here. You are also getting, mostly, first drafts. There are a few stories in here that I worked on more than once but I have found I do not like editing my stories. They are my 'babies' and I find them perfect as they are. I totally understand why writing a book can take up to six months because I know other authors do not enjoy editing their books.
I hope you enjoy it and it should go without saying but this book is dedicated to you. Thank you for cheering me on, not only in my writing but life in general. Oh, and Happy Birthday!
E started writing probably soon after she learned to read and spell; then again her spelling has never been perfected but supposedly most writers are horrible at spelling. Thank goodness for spell check on the computer. She received her first diary (with a lock and key and everything!) when she was seven. Thus started her writing about her favorite topic; herself. She would write about her friends, cat and boys she had crushes on (yes at seven, yikes!) Of course these were not stories but this was a small step to a future of writing and very entertaining to go back and reread the misspellings, narcissistic comments, and the naivety of the world.
Writing was not something E thought about growing up but she did love to read. The books she read would open up a whole new world to her and broaden her imagination. She continued her diaries throughout high school and still on the same topic; herself.
It wasn't until 10th grade writing class that it was brought to her attention that she had a talent for writing. Mrs. Gum-Hales, her teacher, put pictures of various things up on the blackboard and told the class to pick one, create a story describing what was going on and then share it with the class.
E choose a picture of an elderly black man sitting on his bed with his coat and hat in hand. He had his suitcase behind him filled with clothing and what appeared to be a wedding picture. She started to story with the death of his wife and how lonely he was. In the picture he was waiting for his children to come and take him to his new home. He was sitting there going through the memories of the house that he shared with his wife for the past 45 years. The story went into detail about his feelings and memories but was vague on the names and ages of the characters and yet it was a very emotional story.
Mrs Gum-Hales asked who would like to go first and E jumped at the chance; when she was finished the room was silent until Mrs. Gum-Hales said 'Wow. Now who would like to follow that up?' She asked E to stay after class and proceeded to tell her that she had a talent for creative writing. She wondered if E had thought about joining the school newspaper and even suggested it to her. She joined the following trimester.
E enjoyed writing for the high school paper but seemed be less enthusiastic about writing articles that did not ask for her opinion. She came to the conclusion that newspaper writing wasn't what she was into but thankful for the opportunity to write more and in a different way than she was used to. The same year her town's local newspaper asked for stories of unique ways people had used duck take. E wrote of the Christmas Dance where she had actually duck taped her strapless bra to make sure it stayed in play (word of advice, just get a new bra next time, ouch!). Her story not only made it in the paper but was on the first page of that section.
She did enjoy writing but changed directions with her creativity; scrap booking. She began telling her stories through pictures instead of words. She continued this throughout high school and into her early college years.
As she entered college the new thing to do was to 'blog' or an online diary. She kept up with this for quite a while but soon it turned into a writing war with an ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. E was no longer writing for the greater good.
As she great and finally matured (no more blog wars!) she turned her attention on being creative in writing cards to her boyfriend who was overseas. Again these were not stories but still enlisted her creativity to work hard at making each card/letter special and not all sound the same. The one thing that remained true through her life was her love for reading. She had fell in love with authors like Jodi Poicult, Nicholas Sparks and Jane Green. By chance while she was at a second hand bookstore she spotted a book by Jen Lancaster. She devoured it and the first thought that came to mind was 'I want to write like that!' she began hunting books that were debut novels and to see how other writers were doing it. She then started writing books that talked about writing. They all pretty much said the same thing 'To be a writer, you must write'. Well, she thought, it can't be that hard.
E created a blog called 'Author's Note' and debated as to what her first book should be about. She realized that through her life her best stories were about what she knew best; herself. Who would want to read about me though? Mainstream books that were all the rage during this time were memoirs; perfect! She would write about her first job after graduating college and what a nightmare that had turned out to be. She started it but found herself avoiding it. Writer's needed a deadline and yet at the time she wasn't a 'real writer' yet so how could she give herself a deadline? Of course she could just pick a date and say that was her deadline but realistically that date would come and go without another word put on page. She needed a date that was important, one that would keep her writing and yet not be dreaded.
August 10th became her deadline, her grandma's birthday. E's grandma was a driving force as to why she wanted to write. Her grandma seemed to genuinely enjoy her stories which answered her question as to who would want to read her stories; then again it was her grandma so she may have been a little biased. This deadline was kept a secret from her grandma however, she wanted it to be a surprise. She found a website where she could self publish her book; yes a real book! It was ok with her that it may never hit the shelves of Barnes and Noble this a book that would mean not only much to her but to others in her life as well. This was a perfect way to practice writing, learn, and get into the habit of doing it more than once or twice a week.
So Grandma, there you have it. You are currently holding (and reading) my 'Writer's Block'. The funny thing is I am not a fan of short stories and yet my first book is full of them! I decided to write this book in April, so that did not give me much time to write. Of course I went back to what I knew best; myself. Most of the stories are true, some have had elements added or subtracted and even twisted for a more entertaining value. Pardon the typo's, spelling and grammar errors; my editor (Mom) and I worked hard at finding them all but I know there will probably be a few still in here. You are also getting, mostly, first drafts. There are a few stories in here that I worked on more than once but I have found I do not like editing my stories. They are my 'babies' and I find them perfect as they are. I totally understand why writing a book can take up to six months because I know other authors do not enjoy editing their books.
I hope you enjoy it and it should go without saying but this book is dedicated to you. Thank you for cheering me on, not only in my writing but life in general. Oh, and Happy Birthday!
20.7.11
Story of my life
Last night I tried to leave
cried so much I could not believe
she was the same girl I fell in love
with long ago
She went in the back to get high
I sat down on my couch and cried
yellin' "Oh mama, please help me!
Won't you hold my hand?"
- 'Let Her Cry' Hootie and the Blowfish
cried so much I could not believe
she was the same girl I fell in love
with long ago
She went in the back to get high
I sat down on my couch and cried
yellin' "Oh mama, please help me!
Won't you hold my hand?"
- 'Let Her Cry' Hootie and the Blowfish
13.7.11
Thirty Years in Questions
Thirty years has come and gone, three times over to be exact. So much has happened over 90 years; wars are fought and won, fads come and go, ball games are played, movies are made, and most importantly babies are born. We start our story in the 'Roaring Twenties' and meet a baby who will create a life who in turn will create another; me. This story is not only mine but my mother's and grandmother's as well.
The 20's are mainly known for 'the Crash' but for the Steider family the 20's brought little baby Katherine; the last of their eleven children. Wait, eleven children? ELEVEN CHILDREN!? Obviously my great-grandfather Henry, thought my great-grandmother Katherine, was the cat's meow. No, they were not big city dwellers so she may not have been a flapper but she caught his attention. They may not have been effected by the prohibition, but then again maybe they were. They welcomed their baby girl while Calvin Coolidge was president. Harry Houdini was making magic happen. Hollywood decided it was time to honor the actors for their work and thus started 'the Oscars' in 1927. The world seemed to be picking up steam after WW1; they didn't know what was coming. The era ended on a bad note. The New York Stock Exchange crashed in Oct 1929, Katherine was only 5 years old. America started a new era, with little to no hope and a 'Great Depression'
I have found when asking about the Depression many of the generation that lived during it do not really want to talk about it. The title sums it up;it was depressing. I wonder if Roosevelt's fireside chats brought comfort to families that hadn't ate in days, or families that wondered if they would have to ship their children off to other relatives because they could not afford to support them. Did my great-grandparents have this problem? Did they have the time to pick up John Steinbeck's new book titled 'The Grapes of Wrath' or were they too busy living it out? Did their younger children learn to read with the popular 'Dick and Jane' books that came out in 1931? Maybe Katherine, did indeed, see. spot. run.
Unemployment was up to 25%, how many of my family members were affected by this? I imagine many forming the lines at shelters whistling the tune to 'Brother can you spare a dime' and wondering if that question would ever be answered with 'Yes'. I hope that even in a time of despair the small things may have brightened days. Zipper's became popular during the thirties, I daydream about ten year old Katherine zipping up a dress to go play in and think 'Wow that was so much faster than buttoning 20 buttons.' Was she as impressed with them as I would have been? A year later money was brought into the home again! Monopoly gave new hope to families even if it was only during the quiet evening after a hard day in the field, or on the streets in search of work. Had word traveled from the World's Fair about the box that played pictures and brought the stories from the radio to life?
It would seem to me that growing up in such a dark time would be hard, especially when WW2 broke out. I want to know if all hope was lost or did the light at the end of the tunnel still shine bright enough to encourage those at the end of their rope to not give up?
I know that even with the horror's of war still going on in the world the forties brought new hope for a teen aged Katherine; a job that would lead to the man she would marry! She started working for Maude and George Shetler in 1940 as a live-in housekeeper for $3 a week. Boy, did she earn her keep! She had to deal with their punk kid Merle who was 2 years younger than her all the while trying to keep house and make sure an older Shetler boy might take notice of her. She was with them for only two weeks. Since the gas rationing was still going on their youth group at church would have to meet at people's houses. She was warming herself by the potbelly stove with Merle (yeah she might have thought of him to be punk kid but he was starting to grow on her) asked her for a date. She said yes; seeing as the older Shetler boy she had her eye on hadn't asked once during the 3 years she was there.
The movies have it wrong when they show young couples driving around town on first dates during the 1940's. There was a war going on which mean there was gas rationing. Young couple's were not able to cruise around town without a destination in mind or alone for that matter. If they were going somewhere they would take as many people as possible that would want to go! Katherine and Merle decided to go for ice cream at Isley's Ice Cream Shop one Sunday night after church and instead of bringing flowers and chocolates Merle brought two younger brothers.
I have to say I am thankful my grandpa did not go off to war; even though my grandma was a 'working woman' she was not a working woman that took her out of the home.She had no need for the latest innovations of the kitchen. She was home to cook fresh meals at night and did not need the new frozen dinners or Tupperware to save leftovers. This was a couple that lived through the Depression; there were no leftovers!
In 1948 their family started to grow with the addition for another baby boy; Charles. I wonder if my uncles knew of the children's films from earlier in the decade; Bambi and Dumbo? Was it the talk of the kindergarten class or was that only in the big cities?
The 1950's were all shook up with Rock-n-Roll! I imagine a young wife, expecting baby number three listening to the radio and covering her ears when Jerry Lee Lewis came on and saying 'Why does he have to play the piano so loud?' Did she enjoy Elvis pre or post war? 1953 brought a baby girl into the Shetler household; Janet. Did she keep her mother company in the kitchen, entertain her as she mothered her baby dolls? Did she place her hand on her mom's tummy to feel the next sibling in line kick?
1955 brought a second daughter to the Shelter household; Theresa! As she enters the world we leave Katherine and follow her latest and greatest daughter into the next thirty years. Dwight Eisenhower was president. Barbie just made her appearance on the toy shelves; and to think 40 years later Theresa's daughter would have an ever growing collection of them. 'A Streetcar Named Desire' wasn't a big hit but ended up being an epic film. Lassie was faithfully following Timmy and letting the family know when trouble was near.
As Theresa grows; was she always pestering her older brothers and sister? Did she realize she was going to be a big sister and the young age of two? The 1960's seemed to be a decade that brought so much soon to be unforgotten history that little Theresa probably did not realize what laid ahead at age 5.
There were 70 million post war baby boomers that were headed into their teen years; my uncles included. No wonder the 60's had so much emotion running through the years, all the talk about love and sex. 70 million people were going through puberty! Luckily for Theresa her biggest worry was probably if she would be able to fit a book in between chores and homework Did she pick up 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and realize it was classic before it was even called a classic? Would she listen to the Righteous Brothers on the radio and think they were groovy?
She was at ages during the 60's that seemed to exclude her in the events going on in the world. She was either to young to understand the start of Vietnam and then too young to join the hippies and protests later on in the decade. I wonder what it was like to watch TV for the first time in 1965; did she and all of her siblings sit within 2 inches of the screen as I did as a child? Did they think the TV show, Hazel, was funny or just an old lady show that their Grandma Shelter liked to watch? A major event happened without her even knowing it; a pregnant woman was allowed not only to continue to work as a teacher during her pregnancy but she was photographed as well! This may not really seem to be a significant detail but to think 18 years later Theresa would start a job dealing with pregnant woman is semi-fascinating.
Plus we all already know about the obvious details of the decade, war, hippies, drugs, Black Panthers, Malcom X, Martin Luther King, and the space race. I can see her imagination running wild as the family gathered around the radio to listen to broadcasts and new reports of the first shuttle launch and listening to Neil Armstrong say 'This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.'
In 1970 my mom would have been 15, awkward and hating her teen years like everyone else without even realizing they were hating them because they were too busy hating their parents and other authorities. I can see her in her earth toned clothes and mood rings on her fingers. Did they celebrate the first Earth Day on April 22, 1970 or did it pass without much mention? During her junior year the family got their first television set, they would watch it just to watch it because it was something new and exciting.
Did they watch the '72 Olympics and cheer on Mark Spitz or did they stick to 'The Brady Bunch'? I wonder on her trip to Indiana all by herself at the age of 17 was she singing along to Three Dog Night or the Carpenters? If anyone would have told her she would be back to Florida to go to junior college for nursing; would she have believed them?
She decided to move back to Indiana after she finished junior college. My uncle Stan and aunt Janet were in a town called Elkhart so that is where she headed. She ended up at a NYE party in 1977 with my aunt Janet because there was a guy there, Ed, that Janet thought Theresa would be good with. They hit it off well enough for her to give him her number, she never heard from him. He would ask my aunt and her friend all the time if they had seen my mom that day/week and how shew as doing; they encouraged him to call her. You'd have to ask my dad if it was fate that he ended up spraining his ankle in a pick-up basketball game. My grandma taught my mother well - the way to a man's heart was through his stomach! She ended up baking him a variety of cookies, including his favorite (she didn't know this at the time) peanut butter. She took them to his house, rang the bell; he didn't answer. Mom didn't realize Dad had sprained his ankle and that is why he didn't make it to the door. Lucky for her, she makes a mean peanut butter cookie. To quote my father 'Anyone that makes a peanut butter cookie that good; I have to get to know. He ended up calling her in August of '78.
My mom not only hit it off with my dad, but his young son, Greg, as well. He would enjoy sitting on her lap and say 'I like you. You're not like my dad's other girlfriends; you have nice big legs to sit on!' Thank goodness the first thing Ed ate was Theresa's cookies and not the cold spaghetti that she had planned one night for dinner. She wanted it to be 'fancy like a restaurant' and kept the pasta separate from the sauce. Ed ran late and they ended up having to reheat the meal; needless to say you should always mix the pasta with the sauce before you reheat it.
The Eighties would end up being a great decade! They were known for the generation of status seekers and the 'Me!Me!Me! attitude. (No wonder my generation is so into themselves! The saying 'Shop Til You Drop' seemed to roll off tongues more often than their credit cards had rest. My parents generation, baby boomers, were soon labeled the splurge generation. Minivans and camcorders were the must haves for young parents; and for their young children, such as my older brother, video games were 'totally awesome!' Before I came along did my parents go on date nights to see 'The Big Chill' or 'Tootsie'? Was my mom reading Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, or Tom Wolfe? Who would have thought 40 years after being written 'The Grapes of Wrath' would be banned from schools; and why? For telling the truth about an era, did the future really not want to remember the past?
In 1985 my mom and dad had ME! Ronald Regan was president ('The actor? Yes the actor!) 'Back to the Future' came out, Rock Hudson died of AIDS, and Nancy Regan was 'Just Saying No to Drugs' I remember watching Alf on TV and mothering my Cabbage Patch kids. We have the pictures to prove how much of an 80's child I truly was. My mom dressed me in neon outfits and cut my hair into a mullet. I. Was. Rad. already at the age of four.
I remember 1990 because of my love for the New Kids on the Block and my princess Disney movies like The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. I do not remember much about the Gulf War but I do remember the '92 election between Bill Clinton and President Bush. I drew a picture in second grade with Clinton's name in a circle and a big red line going through it; who knew I would be so political at the age of seven! Fourth grade brought many memories; the OJ Simpson trial and the Oklahoma City bombing. It was also the year that I would cry myself to sleep and dread going to school because of my teacher and my inability to be learn long division. Did my mom and Grandma have subjects that brought them to tears? Teachers they would dread seeing? The 90's were a time where obesity at a record high, roller blades were very cool and the cell phone was the same size as a brick. Beanie Babies were the craze, seriously people were going crazy for them!
I am a product of the 90's. I have ADD and the first medicine I was put on was Ritalin. I got my first WWJD bracelet when I was in 7th grade.I loved N'SYNC, Britney Spears and all things cliche that a teen would love. High school was a fun time for me, I played sports, was in the choir, and had some great friends. During History class we would talk about the Great Depression and 'The Crash' I should have realized I could have gotten a first hand lesson from the person that lived through it; my grandma. I experienced my own major event that I would be asked about; September 11, 2001 by my children. I didn't even know what was going on because my first teacher of the day decided to skip morning announcements so we could study for a test. I was in the hallway wondering why everyone was so somber until a friend of mine told me what happened. I don't think 16 is old enough to truly comprehend what was going on in the world. I just knew I was scared and I didn't know what this would mean for me, my family, boyfriend and country.
I fell in love at 16 thinking he was the one I would marry; like every other girl that falls in love for the first time. I went off to college, something that people my age take for granted now. I learned things from books, professors, charts and graphs; when I would come home Grandma and Grandpa would ask how life was going - fine, thanks. Why did I not bother to ask them about their life or give them more information about mine? I met my future husband in 2006 in the big city of Chicago where we would end up living four years later. We did everything that was fun; went to see movies, listen to our ipods. We would talk through email and text messages. I would write 'real' letters to be romance, like they did 'back in the old days'.
We were married in 2008, a presidential first was about to happen and our country was still at war. I think about what I've seen in the movies about the 30-40's and realize our war is nothing like WW2. I think it effected people more back then. Funny how that is, they were not as technologically connected as we are in the current day and yet I feel back then people were more connected. We have skype, cell phones that can reach all over the world, email, text, facebook - if anything we should be the ones that feel so connected and yet the more 'plugged in' we are then less connected we are with people.
The world is moving fast and it probably was back then as well. I have not reached my 30's year so I can not tell you what the next four years hold for me. The one thing that I hope I will do before time runs out it to get to know my grandma and mom better. They were here before me, they are the ones I can learn from the most. I want the questions in this story to be answered. I want to connect better with the women that mean so much to me. This is our story a story I want to pass on to my children. I want to be able answer their questions when they as about their great-grandma and grandma. The problem is I only know bits and pieces; even though this is a story I share with them I only know one-third of it the most.
You see 90 years has come and gone and another 90 years will come ahead. Wars will be fought, movies will be made, ballgames will be played, and most importantly babies will be born. Babies need bedtime stories and what better story to share over and over through the years than the story of us; Katherine, Theresa and Emily.
The 20's are mainly known for 'the Crash' but for the Steider family the 20's brought little baby Katherine; the last of their eleven children. Wait, eleven children? ELEVEN CHILDREN!? Obviously my great-grandfather Henry, thought my great-grandmother Katherine, was the cat's meow. No, they were not big city dwellers so she may not have been a flapper but she caught his attention. They may not have been effected by the prohibition, but then again maybe they were. They welcomed their baby girl while Calvin Coolidge was president. Harry Houdini was making magic happen. Hollywood decided it was time to honor the actors for their work and thus started 'the Oscars' in 1927. The world seemed to be picking up steam after WW1; they didn't know what was coming. The era ended on a bad note. The New York Stock Exchange crashed in Oct 1929, Katherine was only 5 years old. America started a new era, with little to no hope and a 'Great Depression'
I have found when asking about the Depression many of the generation that lived during it do not really want to talk about it. The title sums it up;it was depressing. I wonder if Roosevelt's fireside chats brought comfort to families that hadn't ate in days, or families that wondered if they would have to ship their children off to other relatives because they could not afford to support them. Did my great-grandparents have this problem? Did they have the time to pick up John Steinbeck's new book titled 'The Grapes of Wrath' or were they too busy living it out? Did their younger children learn to read with the popular 'Dick and Jane' books that came out in 1931? Maybe Katherine, did indeed, see. spot. run.
Unemployment was up to 25%, how many of my family members were affected by this? I imagine many forming the lines at shelters whistling the tune to 'Brother can you spare a dime' and wondering if that question would ever be answered with 'Yes'. I hope that even in a time of despair the small things may have brightened days. Zipper's became popular during the thirties, I daydream about ten year old Katherine zipping up a dress to go play in and think 'Wow that was so much faster than buttoning 20 buttons.' Was she as impressed with them as I would have been? A year later money was brought into the home again! Monopoly gave new hope to families even if it was only during the quiet evening after a hard day in the field, or on the streets in search of work. Had word traveled from the World's Fair about the box that played pictures and brought the stories from the radio to life?
It would seem to me that growing up in such a dark time would be hard, especially when WW2 broke out. I want to know if all hope was lost or did the light at the end of the tunnel still shine bright enough to encourage those at the end of their rope to not give up?
I know that even with the horror's of war still going on in the world the forties brought new hope for a teen aged Katherine; a job that would lead to the man she would marry! She started working for Maude and George Shetler in 1940 as a live-in housekeeper for $3 a week. Boy, did she earn her keep! She had to deal with their punk kid Merle who was 2 years younger than her all the while trying to keep house and make sure an older Shetler boy might take notice of her. She was with them for only two weeks. Since the gas rationing was still going on their youth group at church would have to meet at people's houses. She was warming herself by the potbelly stove with Merle (yeah she might have thought of him to be punk kid but he was starting to grow on her) asked her for a date. She said yes; seeing as the older Shetler boy she had her eye on hadn't asked once during the 3 years she was there.
The movies have it wrong when they show young couples driving around town on first dates during the 1940's. There was a war going on which mean there was gas rationing. Young couple's were not able to cruise around town without a destination in mind or alone for that matter. If they were going somewhere they would take as many people as possible that would want to go! Katherine and Merle decided to go for ice cream at Isley's Ice Cream Shop one Sunday night after church and instead of bringing flowers and chocolates Merle brought two younger brothers.
I have to say I am thankful my grandpa did not go off to war; even though my grandma was a 'working woman' she was not a working woman that took her out of the home.She had no need for the latest innovations of the kitchen. She was home to cook fresh meals at night and did not need the new frozen dinners or Tupperware to save leftovers. This was a couple that lived through the Depression; there were no leftovers!
In 1948 their family started to grow with the addition for another baby boy; Charles. I wonder if my uncles knew of the children's films from earlier in the decade; Bambi and Dumbo? Was it the talk of the kindergarten class or was that only in the big cities?
The 1950's were all shook up with Rock-n-Roll! I imagine a young wife, expecting baby number three listening to the radio and covering her ears when Jerry Lee Lewis came on and saying 'Why does he have to play the piano so loud?' Did she enjoy Elvis pre or post war? 1953 brought a baby girl into the Shetler household; Janet. Did she keep her mother company in the kitchen, entertain her as she mothered her baby dolls? Did she place her hand on her mom's tummy to feel the next sibling in line kick?
1955 brought a second daughter to the Shelter household; Theresa! As she enters the world we leave Katherine and follow her latest and greatest daughter into the next thirty years. Dwight Eisenhower was president. Barbie just made her appearance on the toy shelves; and to think 40 years later Theresa's daughter would have an ever growing collection of them. 'A Streetcar Named Desire' wasn't a big hit but ended up being an epic film. Lassie was faithfully following Timmy and letting the family know when trouble was near.
As Theresa grows; was she always pestering her older brothers and sister? Did she realize she was going to be a big sister and the young age of two? The 1960's seemed to be a decade that brought so much soon to be unforgotten history that little Theresa probably did not realize what laid ahead at age 5.
There were 70 million post war baby boomers that were headed into their teen years; my uncles included. No wonder the 60's had so much emotion running through the years, all the talk about love and sex. 70 million people were going through puberty! Luckily for Theresa her biggest worry was probably if she would be able to fit a book in between chores and homework Did she pick up 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and realize it was classic before it was even called a classic? Would she listen to the Righteous Brothers on the radio and think they were groovy?
She was at ages during the 60's that seemed to exclude her in the events going on in the world. She was either to young to understand the start of Vietnam and then too young to join the hippies and protests later on in the decade. I wonder what it was like to watch TV for the first time in 1965; did she and all of her siblings sit within 2 inches of the screen as I did as a child? Did they think the TV show, Hazel, was funny or just an old lady show that their Grandma Shelter liked to watch? A major event happened without her even knowing it; a pregnant woman was allowed not only to continue to work as a teacher during her pregnancy but she was photographed as well! This may not really seem to be a significant detail but to think 18 years later Theresa would start a job dealing with pregnant woman is semi-fascinating.
Plus we all already know about the obvious details of the decade, war, hippies, drugs, Black Panthers, Malcom X, Martin Luther King, and the space race. I can see her imagination running wild as the family gathered around the radio to listen to broadcasts and new reports of the first shuttle launch and listening to Neil Armstrong say 'This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.'
In 1970 my mom would have been 15, awkward and hating her teen years like everyone else without even realizing they were hating them because they were too busy hating their parents and other authorities. I can see her in her earth toned clothes and mood rings on her fingers. Did they celebrate the first Earth Day on April 22, 1970 or did it pass without much mention? During her junior year the family got their first television set, they would watch it just to watch it because it was something new and exciting.
Did they watch the '72 Olympics and cheer on Mark Spitz or did they stick to 'The Brady Bunch'? I wonder on her trip to Indiana all by herself at the age of 17 was she singing along to Three Dog Night or the Carpenters? If anyone would have told her she would be back to Florida to go to junior college for nursing; would she have believed them?
She decided to move back to Indiana after she finished junior college. My uncle Stan and aunt Janet were in a town called Elkhart so that is where she headed. She ended up at a NYE party in 1977 with my aunt Janet because there was a guy there, Ed, that Janet thought Theresa would be good with. They hit it off well enough for her to give him her number, she never heard from him. He would ask my aunt and her friend all the time if they had seen my mom that day/week and how shew as doing; they encouraged him to call her. You'd have to ask my dad if it was fate that he ended up spraining his ankle in a pick-up basketball game. My grandma taught my mother well - the way to a man's heart was through his stomach! She ended up baking him a variety of cookies, including his favorite (she didn't know this at the time) peanut butter. She took them to his house, rang the bell; he didn't answer. Mom didn't realize Dad had sprained his ankle and that is why he didn't make it to the door. Lucky for her, she makes a mean peanut butter cookie. To quote my father 'Anyone that makes a peanut butter cookie that good; I have to get to know. He ended up calling her in August of '78.
My mom not only hit it off with my dad, but his young son, Greg, as well. He would enjoy sitting on her lap and say 'I like you. You're not like my dad's other girlfriends; you have nice big legs to sit on!' Thank goodness the first thing Ed ate was Theresa's cookies and not the cold spaghetti that she had planned one night for dinner. She wanted it to be 'fancy like a restaurant' and kept the pasta separate from the sauce. Ed ran late and they ended up having to reheat the meal; needless to say you should always mix the pasta with the sauce before you reheat it.
The Eighties would end up being a great decade! They were known for the generation of status seekers and the 'Me!Me!Me! attitude. (No wonder my generation is so into themselves! The saying 'Shop Til You Drop' seemed to roll off tongues more often than their credit cards had rest. My parents generation, baby boomers, were soon labeled the splurge generation. Minivans and camcorders were the must haves for young parents; and for their young children, such as my older brother, video games were 'totally awesome!' Before I came along did my parents go on date nights to see 'The Big Chill' or 'Tootsie'? Was my mom reading Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, or Tom Wolfe? Who would have thought 40 years after being written 'The Grapes of Wrath' would be banned from schools; and why? For telling the truth about an era, did the future really not want to remember the past?
In 1985 my mom and dad had ME! Ronald Regan was president ('The actor? Yes the actor!) 'Back to the Future' came out, Rock Hudson died of AIDS, and Nancy Regan was 'Just Saying No to Drugs' I remember watching Alf on TV and mothering my Cabbage Patch kids. We have the pictures to prove how much of an 80's child I truly was. My mom dressed me in neon outfits and cut my hair into a mullet. I. Was. Rad. already at the age of four.
I remember 1990 because of my love for the New Kids on the Block and my princess Disney movies like The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. I do not remember much about the Gulf War but I do remember the '92 election between Bill Clinton and President Bush. I drew a picture in second grade with Clinton's name in a circle and a big red line going through it; who knew I would be so political at the age of seven! Fourth grade brought many memories; the OJ Simpson trial and the Oklahoma City bombing. It was also the year that I would cry myself to sleep and dread going to school because of my teacher and my inability to be learn long division. Did my mom and Grandma have subjects that brought them to tears? Teachers they would dread seeing? The 90's were a time where obesity at a record high, roller blades were very cool and the cell phone was the same size as a brick. Beanie Babies were the craze, seriously people were going crazy for them!
I am a product of the 90's. I have ADD and the first medicine I was put on was Ritalin. I got my first WWJD bracelet when I was in 7th grade.I loved N'SYNC, Britney Spears and all things cliche that a teen would love. High school was a fun time for me, I played sports, was in the choir, and had some great friends. During History class we would talk about the Great Depression and 'The Crash' I should have realized I could have gotten a first hand lesson from the person that lived through it; my grandma. I experienced my own major event that I would be asked about; September 11, 2001 by my children. I didn't even know what was going on because my first teacher of the day decided to skip morning announcements so we could study for a test. I was in the hallway wondering why everyone was so somber until a friend of mine told me what happened. I don't think 16 is old enough to truly comprehend what was going on in the world. I just knew I was scared and I didn't know what this would mean for me, my family, boyfriend and country.
I fell in love at 16 thinking he was the one I would marry; like every other girl that falls in love for the first time. I went off to college, something that people my age take for granted now. I learned things from books, professors, charts and graphs; when I would come home Grandma and Grandpa would ask how life was going - fine, thanks. Why did I not bother to ask them about their life or give them more information about mine? I met my future husband in 2006 in the big city of Chicago where we would end up living four years later. We did everything that was fun; went to see movies, listen to our ipods. We would talk through email and text messages. I would write 'real' letters to be romance, like they did 'back in the old days'.
We were married in 2008, a presidential first was about to happen and our country was still at war. I think about what I've seen in the movies about the 30-40's and realize our war is nothing like WW2. I think it effected people more back then. Funny how that is, they were not as technologically connected as we are in the current day and yet I feel back then people were more connected. We have skype, cell phones that can reach all over the world, email, text, facebook - if anything we should be the ones that feel so connected and yet the more 'plugged in' we are then less connected we are with people.
The world is moving fast and it probably was back then as well. I have not reached my 30's year so I can not tell you what the next four years hold for me. The one thing that I hope I will do before time runs out it to get to know my grandma and mom better. They were here before me, they are the ones I can learn from the most. I want the questions in this story to be answered. I want to connect better with the women that mean so much to me. This is our story a story I want to pass on to my children. I want to be able answer their questions when they as about their great-grandma and grandma. The problem is I only know bits and pieces; even though this is a story I share with them I only know one-third of it the most.
You see 90 years has come and gone and another 90 years will come ahead. Wars will be fought, movies will be made, ballgames will be played, and most importantly babies will be born. Babies need bedtime stories and what better story to share over and over through the years than the story of us; Katherine, Theresa and Emily.
11.7.11
Lyrics
You always hurt the one you love,
The one you shouldn't hurt at all.
You always take the sweetest rose,
And crush it till the petals fall.
You always break the kindest heart,
With a hasty word you can't recall.
So, if I broke your heart last night,
It's because I love you most of all.
The one you shouldn't hurt at all.
You always take the sweetest rose,
And crush it till the petals fall.
You always break the kindest heart,
With a hasty word you can't recall.
So, if I broke your heart last night,
It's because I love you most of all.
8.7.11
Real Simple Essay 2011 - A Parent's Love
So last year I entered the Real Simple Essay and didn't win. I really enjoyed the experience though because that was the time that I decided to start writing. So I decided to write for the Essay again, this time I am revising it more than once, lol. The question for the essay was 'When did you know the true meaning of love.' I think I have a good chance b/c I doubt many other people have thought of this topic (ha! That's what I said about 'Still Alice') Anyway, so this is my essay please feel free to give me feed back and let me know if there anything I should change....and also, to my family members; this honestly is just my point of view it wasn't written to be hurtful or cause problems so please take it for the story that it is...
Real Simple Essay 2011
The parent-child relationship is a unique bond and so individually special that no words can truly sum them all into one description. Many Americans are faced with the day when they are no longer the child in that relationship but the parent; not only to their own children but to their parents as well. My mom is one of those people. I cannot tell you the day or time that it happened but she is now the parent to my 85 year old Grandpa and her co-parent is my 87 year old Grandma.
My grandparents have been married for 65 years, have 6 children, 10 grandchildren, and 8 great-grandchildren. They are devote Christians, hard workers, and all around 'good people'. They are that adorable couple you see walking hand in hand down the sidewalk and you smile to yourself because of their drastic difference in height. He stand at 6/4 and she (rounding up) comes in at 4'11. They would be prime candidates to be the picture perfect Hallmark card for love, faith, and friendship.
They moved from small town Florida some years ago to Northern Indiana for the very reason to be close to family, just in case they needed help in the years to come. My mom is number four out of six kids, and one of the three that live in the same town as my grandparents. She is the one that Grandma came to when she started noticing a difference in Grandpa. The signs were small and the changes barely noticeable; Grandpa was forgetting things. He didn't remember if he had brushed his teeth, or how to tie his shoes; he couldn't even remember what he had for breakfast or if he even had breakfast. My grandma started taking care of him, for better or worse and in sickness and in health. She would remind him to brush his teeth and show him how if he couldn't remember. She would even dress him in the mornings, but it was becoming too much. She was taking care of a man twice her size, it was exhausting. Someone had to step in and help; and that someone was my mom.
The tasks started off small; running my grandma to the grocery store, the library, to their little country Mennonite church in the corn field. She would take her out to lunch and give her a break from the stress if not but for a few hours. This was fine to do until one day they came home to find Grandpa with a bruise and no memory as to how he got it. She called siblings to see if he could go to their house while Grandma was out. Mom got answers like 'I'll have to check my calender' or 'I don't have time'. The answer she got, for the most part, was that she was on her own.
The day I think it set in, that Grandpa was digressing, for most of the family was when Mom had to go over to their house and bandage his leg. He had skin missing and caused himself to bleed because 'The band-aid wouldn't come off' - there was no band-aid. Mom called her siblings that lived in other states, miles away from the reality to let them know what was happening to their father. Denial seemed to be the road taken for those not there instead of the road home to help out where help was needed most.
Grandpa has good and bad days, we all do. The bad days are when he has a hard time remembering what year it is, how many children he has or how long he has been married to his bride. The sad part is that he knows he is fading, he will get frustrated with himself and feel like he is a burden more than the 'head of house' let alone a member of the family. The good days, well they are the ones we cherish. He will look at my grandma and wink causing her to blush. We'll ask him if that was something he used to do when they were dating. He'll reply 'I am just so lucky to be married to such a pretty lady.' These are the moments that prove even though his memory may be fading, his love for her is not.
Things are starting to worsen. Grandma is falling or finding herself on the ground and not knowing how she got there. She is tired and Mom is worrying more. She and my uncle have visited homes in the area, searching for that one place they would be confident to know their parents are getting the same love and care they would provide. These visits end in tears of frustration and added stress. My mother's 'days off' are never truly off. Of course she wishes there were times where she could do nothing and just be but as she has told me on many occasions 'When the day comes where I will not have to take care of them will be the day I wish I could.'
You see Mom isn't just doing this because she has to but because she wants to. It is her privilege to provide them with the same loving care that they gave to her as she was growing up. I feel that even though her siblings may not be helping out as much as they should; she is gaining something they are missing out on - unconditional love. The love that was there to kiss away the 'boo-boos' and 'ouchies' The love that kept them safe and out of a nursing home for as long as possible. The love that wiped away Grandma's tears as she watched her one and only slip away. The most powerful kind of love that showed honor, respect, and dedication to the ones that brought her into the world. She will not have to wish for more days or regret the phone calls never made. She will not have a 'would have, could have, should have' moment, because she did.
This story about my mom and grandparent's parent-child relationship is dedicated to those who are out there being the best parents they know how to be, to their parents. It is to honor those who honor their parents and the lessons of love they provided them growing up. This story is to thank those who love unconditionally.
Thank you for taking care of generations past and for teaching generations of the future what love truly means.
Real Simple Essay 2011
The parent-child relationship is a unique bond and so individually special that no words can truly sum them all into one description. Many Americans are faced with the day when they are no longer the child in that relationship but the parent; not only to their own children but to their parents as well. My mom is one of those people. I cannot tell you the day or time that it happened but she is now the parent to my 85 year old Grandpa and her co-parent is my 87 year old Grandma.
My grandparents have been married for 65 years, have 6 children, 10 grandchildren, and 8 great-grandchildren. They are devote Christians, hard workers, and all around 'good people'. They are that adorable couple you see walking hand in hand down the sidewalk and you smile to yourself because of their drastic difference in height. He stand at 6/4 and she (rounding up) comes in at 4'11. They would be prime candidates to be the picture perfect Hallmark card for love, faith, and friendship.
They moved from small town Florida some years ago to Northern Indiana for the very reason to be close to family, just in case they needed help in the years to come. My mom is number four out of six kids, and one of the three that live in the same town as my grandparents. She is the one that Grandma came to when she started noticing a difference in Grandpa. The signs were small and the changes barely noticeable; Grandpa was forgetting things. He didn't remember if he had brushed his teeth, or how to tie his shoes; he couldn't even remember what he had for breakfast or if he even had breakfast. My grandma started taking care of him, for better or worse and in sickness and in health. She would remind him to brush his teeth and show him how if he couldn't remember. She would even dress him in the mornings, but it was becoming too much. She was taking care of a man twice her size, it was exhausting. Someone had to step in and help; and that someone was my mom.
The tasks started off small; running my grandma to the grocery store, the library, to their little country Mennonite church in the corn field. She would take her out to lunch and give her a break from the stress if not but for a few hours. This was fine to do until one day they came home to find Grandpa with a bruise and no memory as to how he got it. She called siblings to see if he could go to their house while Grandma was out. Mom got answers like 'I'll have to check my calender' or 'I don't have time'. The answer she got, for the most part, was that she was on her own.
The day I think it set in, that Grandpa was digressing, for most of the family was when Mom had to go over to their house and bandage his leg. He had skin missing and caused himself to bleed because 'The band-aid wouldn't come off' - there was no band-aid. Mom called her siblings that lived in other states, miles away from the reality to let them know what was happening to their father. Denial seemed to be the road taken for those not there instead of the road home to help out where help was needed most.
Grandpa has good and bad days, we all do. The bad days are when he has a hard time remembering what year it is, how many children he has or how long he has been married to his bride. The sad part is that he knows he is fading, he will get frustrated with himself and feel like he is a burden more than the 'head of house' let alone a member of the family. The good days, well they are the ones we cherish. He will look at my grandma and wink causing her to blush. We'll ask him if that was something he used to do when they were dating. He'll reply 'I am just so lucky to be married to such a pretty lady.' These are the moments that prove even though his memory may be fading, his love for her is not.
Things are starting to worsen. Grandma is falling or finding herself on the ground and not knowing how she got there. She is tired and Mom is worrying more. She and my uncle have visited homes in the area, searching for that one place they would be confident to know their parents are getting the same love and care they would provide. These visits end in tears of frustration and added stress. My mother's 'days off' are never truly off. Of course she wishes there were times where she could do nothing and just be but as she has told me on many occasions 'When the day comes where I will not have to take care of them will be the day I wish I could.'
You see Mom isn't just doing this because she has to but because she wants to. It is her privilege to provide them with the same loving care that they gave to her as she was growing up. I feel that even though her siblings may not be helping out as much as they should; she is gaining something they are missing out on - unconditional love. The love that was there to kiss away the 'boo-boos' and 'ouchies' The love that kept them safe and out of a nursing home for as long as possible. The love that wiped away Grandma's tears as she watched her one and only slip away. The most powerful kind of love that showed honor, respect, and dedication to the ones that brought her into the world. She will not have to wish for more days or regret the phone calls never made. She will not have a 'would have, could have, should have' moment, because she did.
This story about my mom and grandparent's parent-child relationship is dedicated to those who are out there being the best parents they know how to be, to their parents. It is to honor those who honor their parents and the lessons of love they provided them growing up. This story is to thank those who love unconditionally.
Thank you for taking care of generations past and for teaching generations of the future what love truly means.
Love is a Battlefield
The Beatles lied. So did Disney. 'All you need is love' No, all you need is armor and enough ammo to make sure you can survive this crazy thing called marriage. Love is war. We start relationships showing the other person or nation our best qualities and to be honest when we're just getting to know someone who we find interesting, intriguing, and totally worth our time we do not want to see their faults. At least not just yet; we hope that as we grow closer to signing a peace treaty that those 'Top Secret' files will emerge and there will be no secrets. We all have secrets and most of us do not share these secrets, even to the ones we're closest to. This can cause problems, break trusts, and start a war.
War is a dreadful awful thing, and no I'm not talking about the war that is overseas, I'm talking about the war that is raging on in most households across the country. We wake up wondering it today will be the day the enemy surrenders or if we will see that white flag be raised on our side of the battle front. No one wants to surrender, their nation is right, their views, options, ideas, future goals are the only things that matter. For many couples this thinking is ok; especially if their spouse or ally has the same thinking. Unfortunately for many marriages this is not the case. They walked into their homes at night with their ammo strapped on their shoulder, dressed in camo to, hopefully, blend into the surrounding enough that the enemy will not be able to find them and attack. These little battles may not seem like much, but if they are not fought over (talked over) then they will just led to a much bigger and bloodier war.
The war rages on.
For most allying nations secrets can be a damning thing. They keep them locked away in top secret files and with heavily guarded rooms. These secrets are the atomic bombs, when an allying nation finds the secrets, bombs go off, the treaty is broken and HW2 (Household War 2) is on. In some cases a cold war can occur. Nations begin to plot, stockpiling weapons all while keeping a watchful eye on the enemy to make sure they are not doing the same. Cold wars are almost worse; they appear to be friends who are 'trying' to work out their problems but in most cases they are talking with other nations about the downfall that is soon to come.
In times like this it would be suggested to go and speak with the United Nations. Read reports of other countries that went through the same things as you are going through. We study history so we can help prevent it from happening again and yet it continues to happen again and again. The same fight is being fought over and over. Money, drugs, religion, and lies all reasons as to why the war rages on.
My war is raging on.
I walked into the battle field without cover and was soon being fired upon with bullets that I could not dodge. I was hit with hurtful words, hurt feelings and broken promises. Instead of falling back I stood my ground and fired back; words I would regret, things I didn't mean. The heat of war does not come from bullets but from the tears that fall. I carried my body, bloody and battered back to my camp. I speak with the generals and others in charge as to what the next plan of action should be. Surrender? Night Attack? Blitz? I am tired and feel like I age five years after every battle. I am one of the lucky ones, I have survived yet another fight. Some of the unlucky ones include Trust, Faith, Compassion, and Self Esteem. They didn't even see it coming. How can I forget them now that they are gone? I must fight for them, for their memory in hopes that will be enough to end the awfulness.
We spend our lives searching for 'the one'. We find them, marry them and then what? We marry our best friends, the person we want to share our lives promising our best and then only showing them our worst. Why is it that we feel we can be our worst around the ones that we love the most? Is it because we know they will love us no matter what? Instead of looking into the future together we stand there head to head fighting for what we want for ourselves. What happened to being on the same side, same team?
I will fight this war, only because I know that what is waiting at the end, the finish is worth the fight. Yes we come out with battle scars, wounds that will take time to heal; but they are worth it when you decided, together as allying nations, to sign a treaty of peace and work on making it work! There will be a day when the war is over. I hope that day brings peace by bringing the two nations together and not parting for good. I do say though, how many lives have to be lost in a war before people realize it is such a waste. There is a time when you have to say enough is enough. No one ever wins the war of 'love' but you can win together. I hope that couples out there realize when they are battling for a good ending and when they are not. I want them to know the difference between a war that can be won and one that can not. When you realize it is a war that can not be won; put your weapon down and raise your white flag. You will find peace because the war is over.
War is a dreadful awful thing, and no I'm not talking about the war that is overseas, I'm talking about the war that is raging on in most households across the country. We wake up wondering it today will be the day the enemy surrenders or if we will see that white flag be raised on our side of the battle front. No one wants to surrender, their nation is right, their views, options, ideas, future goals are the only things that matter. For many couples this thinking is ok; especially if their spouse or ally has the same thinking. Unfortunately for many marriages this is not the case. They walked into their homes at night with their ammo strapped on their shoulder, dressed in camo to, hopefully, blend into the surrounding enough that the enemy will not be able to find them and attack. These little battles may not seem like much, but if they are not fought over (talked over) then they will just led to a much bigger and bloodier war.
The war rages on.
For most allying nations secrets can be a damning thing. They keep them locked away in top secret files and with heavily guarded rooms. These secrets are the atomic bombs, when an allying nation finds the secrets, bombs go off, the treaty is broken and HW2 (Household War 2) is on. In some cases a cold war can occur. Nations begin to plot, stockpiling weapons all while keeping a watchful eye on the enemy to make sure they are not doing the same. Cold wars are almost worse; they appear to be friends who are 'trying' to work out their problems but in most cases they are talking with other nations about the downfall that is soon to come.
In times like this it would be suggested to go and speak with the United Nations. Read reports of other countries that went through the same things as you are going through. We study history so we can help prevent it from happening again and yet it continues to happen again and again. The same fight is being fought over and over. Money, drugs, religion, and lies all reasons as to why the war rages on.
My war is raging on.
I walked into the battle field without cover and was soon being fired upon with bullets that I could not dodge. I was hit with hurtful words, hurt feelings and broken promises. Instead of falling back I stood my ground and fired back; words I would regret, things I didn't mean. The heat of war does not come from bullets but from the tears that fall. I carried my body, bloody and battered back to my camp. I speak with the generals and others in charge as to what the next plan of action should be. Surrender? Night Attack? Blitz? I am tired and feel like I age five years after every battle. I am one of the lucky ones, I have survived yet another fight. Some of the unlucky ones include Trust, Faith, Compassion, and Self Esteem. They didn't even see it coming. How can I forget them now that they are gone? I must fight for them, for their memory in hopes that will be enough to end the awfulness.
We spend our lives searching for 'the one'. We find them, marry them and then what? We marry our best friends, the person we want to share our lives promising our best and then only showing them our worst. Why is it that we feel we can be our worst around the ones that we love the most? Is it because we know they will love us no matter what? Instead of looking into the future together we stand there head to head fighting for what we want for ourselves. What happened to being on the same side, same team?
I will fight this war, only because I know that what is waiting at the end, the finish is worth the fight. Yes we come out with battle scars, wounds that will take time to heal; but they are worth it when you decided, together as allying nations, to sign a treaty of peace and work on making it work! There will be a day when the war is over. I hope that day brings peace by bringing the two nations together and not parting for good. I do say though, how many lives have to be lost in a war before people realize it is such a waste. There is a time when you have to say enough is enough. No one ever wins the war of 'love' but you can win together. I hope that couples out there realize when they are battling for a good ending and when they are not. I want them to know the difference between a war that can be won and one that can not. When you realize it is a war that can not be won; put your weapon down and raise your white flag. You will find peace because the war is over.
4.7.11
God's Hugs
God hugged me today. It was awesome and just what I needed at the time. I started calling these moments 'hugs' in November 2005. I was in a deep depression and alone in my college studio apartment, feeling so far away from God, and not knowing what do with my life. I was sobbing and literally went down to my knees and prayed 'God I am so alone, I need You right now. I need to feel that You are with me. Please let me know I am not alone.' Within seconds of finishing my prayer I felt as though I was getting the biggest bear hug I've ever had; which of course made me cry harder because God was with me and let me know He was there for me. From that moment on I recommitted my life to God and began a new look on life and how God interacts with me daily.
Many people think I am silly when I talk about my 'God hugs' I on the other hand feel lucky to notice them; I think many people go throughout their day and do not even notice when God is speaking to them or letting them know He is there. I view beautiful days as a sign from God, birds chirping, people calling to say hi when you need it the most. I use to bar tend in downtown Chicago and I honestly believe my 'big' tips were coming from God. I know that when you ask you shall receive; when I was younger if I actually remembered to pray I was selfish with them . I would be broad in my prayers for my family, the world and so on. I honestly thought that was enough. After my hug in 2005 I viewed the world differently. I now ask, in my prayers, to be a better Christian FOR God. This would mean if I woke up having a bad day and didn't want to go to work I would pray 'Lord, I pray that I work for YOU today, I want everything I do today at work to be for you.' This would not only impact the way I worked but by the end of the day I would realize my day had actually turned out pretty well. It makes me smile when I realize asking God to be a better Christian for Him actually makes me feel better about life and the way I live it.
I feel many of my hugs come when I am running late and can not find my keys or the other shoe, and so on. I will say a quick prayer 'Lord I could really use some help finding (insert what I lost)' sometimes I will find it right away and other times I will find it in a day or two which is ok with me because I view Him still helping me find it! I believe that these are moments when God lets me know that even though there are bigger problems in the world, billions praying to him at the same time; He's still there for me and listening. I do not pray in a way that tests God. I know He is there; I do not need Him to prove it. I just want to have conversations with Him. I hope He enjoys them as much as I do and I think He does because when we talk, I feel His love.
God loves us and wants us to talk to Him. I do just that, I don't save my prayers for the end or beginning of my days. Sometimes my prayers are short, sweet and to the point! Of course there are times in our faith where God will distance Himself, we all go through them. I fail these moments horribly. I would say most of the time I do not realize how far I have gone off path or how long it's been since I've had an intimate conversation with the Lord until I am so far into the forest that it is completely dark and I do not know which way to go to get back onto my path. I end up getting depressed and praying to God for comfort again. I know these are moments where I can grow as a stronger Christian and honestly I really need to remember these moments when they are occurring!
I recall a moment when I was at another low. I had been praying to God for days and felt alone. I had just adopted two cats for our local shelter so we were still in the early stages of getting to know each other. My grandma had just died, I was getting married in two weeks and starting to have cold feet, I didn't feel as though I could talk to my family or friends. To put it bluntly I was feeling very sorry for myself. Again I was sobbing and praying to God to comfort me. My cat, Jerry, who had become my therapist in the few short weeks he was with me was laying on my chest. I was alone in bed crying so hard that my pillow case was drenched. I was calling out to God over and over when Jerry meowed, turned and cradled my face between his front paws. I sobbed uncontrollably. God gave me a hug through Jerry. At that moment I not only knew God loved me but my cat did as well. He knew I was hurting and was comforting me. God. Is. Amazing.
I know that I will have lows and highs throughout my life but I also know God loves me; He is there for me and He will never give me more than I can handle in life. Sometimes, I wonder how strong He thinks I am! I pray daily that God helps me be childlike in my faith and I feel as though my 'hugs' are very childlike. People need to stop and realize the answer is simple. Life is simple. Love God. Live for God. Let God.
Try to remember the simplicity of God's love for you, for all of us. If you're having a bad day look to the positive; there's God. He's talking to you, you just have to listen. Try to have a conversation with Him everyday; even if it's to say 'Love ya!' I'm pretty sure He loves those messages.
Many people think I am silly when I talk about my 'God hugs' I on the other hand feel lucky to notice them; I think many people go throughout their day and do not even notice when God is speaking to them or letting them know He is there. I view beautiful days as a sign from God, birds chirping, people calling to say hi when you need it the most. I use to bar tend in downtown Chicago and I honestly believe my 'big' tips were coming from God. I know that when you ask you shall receive; when I was younger if I actually remembered to pray I was selfish with them . I would be broad in my prayers for my family, the world and so on. I honestly thought that was enough. After my hug in 2005 I viewed the world differently. I now ask, in my prayers, to be a better Christian FOR God. This would mean if I woke up having a bad day and didn't want to go to work I would pray 'Lord, I pray that I work for YOU today, I want everything I do today at work to be for you.' This would not only impact the way I worked but by the end of the day I would realize my day had actually turned out pretty well. It makes me smile when I realize asking God to be a better Christian for Him actually makes me feel better about life and the way I live it.
I feel many of my hugs come when I am running late and can not find my keys or the other shoe, and so on. I will say a quick prayer 'Lord I could really use some help finding (insert what I lost)' sometimes I will find it right away and other times I will find it in a day or two which is ok with me because I view Him still helping me find it! I believe that these are moments when God lets me know that even though there are bigger problems in the world, billions praying to him at the same time; He's still there for me and listening. I do not pray in a way that tests God. I know He is there; I do not need Him to prove it. I just want to have conversations with Him. I hope He enjoys them as much as I do and I think He does because when we talk, I feel His love.
God loves us and wants us to talk to Him. I do just that, I don't save my prayers for the end or beginning of my days. Sometimes my prayers are short, sweet and to the point! Of course there are times in our faith where God will distance Himself, we all go through them. I fail these moments horribly. I would say most of the time I do not realize how far I have gone off path or how long it's been since I've had an intimate conversation with the Lord until I am so far into the forest that it is completely dark and I do not know which way to go to get back onto my path. I end up getting depressed and praying to God for comfort again. I know these are moments where I can grow as a stronger Christian and honestly I really need to remember these moments when they are occurring!
I recall a moment when I was at another low. I had been praying to God for days and felt alone. I had just adopted two cats for our local shelter so we were still in the early stages of getting to know each other. My grandma had just died, I was getting married in two weeks and starting to have cold feet, I didn't feel as though I could talk to my family or friends. To put it bluntly I was feeling very sorry for myself. Again I was sobbing and praying to God to comfort me. My cat, Jerry, who had become my therapist in the few short weeks he was with me was laying on my chest. I was alone in bed crying so hard that my pillow case was drenched. I was calling out to God over and over when Jerry meowed, turned and cradled my face between his front paws. I sobbed uncontrollably. God gave me a hug through Jerry. At that moment I not only knew God loved me but my cat did as well. He knew I was hurting and was comforting me. God. Is. Amazing.
I know that I will have lows and highs throughout my life but I also know God loves me; He is there for me and He will never give me more than I can handle in life. Sometimes, I wonder how strong He thinks I am! I pray daily that God helps me be childlike in my faith and I feel as though my 'hugs' are very childlike. People need to stop and realize the answer is simple. Life is simple. Love God. Live for God. Let God.
Try to remember the simplicity of God's love for you, for all of us. If you're having a bad day look to the positive; there's God. He's talking to you, you just have to listen. Try to have a conversation with Him everyday; even if it's to say 'Love ya!' I'm pretty sure He loves those messages.
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