So last year I entered the Real Simple Essay and didn't win. I really enjoyed the experience though because that was the time that I decided to start writing. So I decided to write for the Essay again, this time I am revising it more than once, lol. The question for the essay was 'When did you know the true meaning of love.' I think I have a good chance b/c I doubt many other people have thought of this topic (ha! That's what I said about 'Still Alice') Anyway, so this is my essay please feel free to give me feed back and let me know if there anything I should change....and also, to my family members; this honestly is just my point of view it wasn't written to be hurtful or cause problems so please take it for the story that it is...
Real Simple Essay 2011
The parent-child relationship is a unique bond and so individually special that no words can truly sum them all into one description. Many Americans are faced with the day when they are no longer the child in that relationship but the parent; not only to their own children but to their parents as well. My mom is one of those people. I cannot tell you the day or time that it happened but she is now the parent to my 85 year old Grandpa and her co-parent is my 87 year old Grandma.
My grandparents have been married for 65 years, have 6 children, 10 grandchildren, and 8 great-grandchildren. They are devote Christians, hard workers, and all around 'good people'. They are that adorable couple you see walking hand in hand down the sidewalk and you smile to yourself because of their drastic difference in height. He stand at 6/4 and she (rounding up) comes in at 4'11. They would be prime candidates to be the picture perfect Hallmark card for love, faith, and friendship.
They moved from small town Florida some years ago to Northern Indiana for the very reason to be close to family, just in case they needed help in the years to come. My mom is number four out of six kids, and one of the three that live in the same town as my grandparents. She is the one that Grandma came to when she started noticing a difference in Grandpa. The signs were small and the changes barely noticeable; Grandpa was forgetting things. He didn't remember if he had brushed his teeth, or how to tie his shoes; he couldn't even remember what he had for breakfast or if he even had breakfast. My grandma started taking care of him, for better or worse and in sickness and in health. She would remind him to brush his teeth and show him how if he couldn't remember. She would even dress him in the mornings, but it was becoming too much. She was taking care of a man twice her size, it was exhausting. Someone had to step in and help; and that someone was my mom.
The tasks started off small; running my grandma to the grocery store, the library, to their little country Mennonite church in the corn field. She would take her out to lunch and give her a break from the stress if not but for a few hours. This was fine to do until one day they came home to find Grandpa with a bruise and no memory as to how he got it. She called siblings to see if he could go to their house while Grandma was out. Mom got answers like 'I'll have to check my calender' or 'I don't have time'. The answer she got, for the most part, was that she was on her own.
The day I think it set in, that Grandpa was digressing, for most of the family was when Mom had to go over to their house and bandage his leg. He had skin missing and caused himself to bleed because 'The band-aid wouldn't come off' - there was no band-aid. Mom called her siblings that lived in other states, miles away from the reality to let them know what was happening to their father. Denial seemed to be the road taken for those not there instead of the road home to help out where help was needed most.
Grandpa has good and bad days, we all do. The bad days are when he has a hard time remembering what year it is, how many children he has or how long he has been married to his bride. The sad part is that he knows he is fading, he will get frustrated with himself and feel like he is a burden more than the 'head of house' let alone a member of the family. The good days, well they are the ones we cherish. He will look at my grandma and wink causing her to blush. We'll ask him if that was something he used to do when they were dating. He'll reply 'I am just so lucky to be married to such a pretty lady.' These are the moments that prove even though his memory may be fading, his love for her is not.
Things are starting to worsen. Grandma is falling or finding herself on the ground and not knowing how she got there. She is tired and Mom is worrying more. She and my uncle have visited homes in the area, searching for that one place they would be confident to know their parents are getting the same love and care they would provide. These visits end in tears of frustration and added stress. My mother's 'days off' are never truly off. Of course she wishes there were times where she could do nothing and just be but as she has told me on many occasions 'When the day comes where I will not have to take care of them will be the day I wish I could.'
You see Mom isn't just doing this because she has to but because she wants to. It is her privilege to provide them with the same loving care that they gave to her as she was growing up. I feel that even though her siblings may not be helping out as much as they should; she is gaining something they are missing out on - unconditional love. The love that was there to kiss away the 'boo-boos' and 'ouchies' The love that kept them safe and out of a nursing home for as long as possible. The love that wiped away Grandma's tears as she watched her one and only slip away. The most powerful kind of love that showed honor, respect, and dedication to the ones that brought her into the world. She will not have to wish for more days or regret the phone calls never made. She will not have a 'would have, could have, should have' moment, because she did.
This story about my mom and grandparent's parent-child relationship is dedicated to those who are out there being the best parents they know how to be, to their parents. It is to honor those who honor their parents and the lessons of love they provided them growing up. This story is to thank those who love unconditionally.
Thank you for taking care of generations past and for teaching generations of the future what love truly means.
again this made me sad! It is a very good article, just wish I didn't have to be living it!
ReplyDeleteAs I said before, you have had 2 examples of older couples taking care of each other in each of your "sets" of grandparents. I think it is wonderful that you saw a grandfather be so loving and patient and kind and now you see a grandmother doing the same.